Anxious Was How I Lived
Your eyelids flutter and for a moment, for a breath, you float in a dream state of ease, calm, peace…
Within milliseconds, your mind and body take off.
The rush of anxiety pulses through your body.
… skin turns clammy.
You’d rather stay in bed and hide from exposure, but you can’t stand sleeping with your mind one minute longer.
An anxious, rattled mess, you meet the day, the encounters, the demands, the weight of responsibilities and crushing expectations.
You survive the day, out of body, never pausing to taste, feel, sense, or even consciously breathe.
Your tight, tense muscles hold you together, yet you never notice they’re scream for release.
It’s all you can do to survive the day.
When you finally make it back to your haven, exhausted, over-stimulated, and buzzing from all you’ve endured, you seek refuge in “anything” that will numb, dissolve, and wash away the day…maybe it’s food…maybe it’s alcohol…maybe it’s weed…maybe it’s drugs…maybe it’s spending…maybe it’s taking all your angst out on your loved ones.
Aw, the relief and release of numbing, consuming, making others feel as small as you do.
Your anxious rituals are so embedded and common to your routine that you don’t give them a second thought.
You expect it…that’s just how you are; that’s how you roll.
You unconsciously, anticipate the cycle of anxiety, each and every day.
It’s simply how you live…and endure life.
Anxious Was How I Lived
Day after day, I hung by the threads of resisting, reacting, avoiding, and consuming.
Numb the pain, fill the void, purge reality.
I lived this way for so long that eventually resisting, reacting, avoiding, and consuming became harmful habits and dangerously-ingrained routines.
My body finally yelled, “Enough!”
The pain of resisting, reacting, avoiding, and consuming exceeded anxiety’s wrath.
Scared out of my wits, I risked meeting my breath…and one day at a time, started consciously breathing.
Dreadfully afraid, I met my body for the first time…and opened my heart to its grace, its beauty, its strength.
Fiercely frightened, I encountered my mind…and risked observing it, watching it, noticing it.
With a leap of faith, I stopped living outside of myself and found my haven inside of me.
Anxiety eased…and regulated to a useful level, when I needed it.
What I Know About Anxiety
Anxiety is simply one of our many emotions; it’s a normal and sometimes useful vibration that can’t hurt us and doesn’t have to mean anything…it’s only anxiety.
When I changed my beliefs about anxiety, I stopped resisting, reacting, and trying to avoid anxiety.
I learned to allow anxiety and coexist with it, which actually eased it.
I stopped being afraid of anxiety and making it mean more than it was.
Our body is the priceless vessel that carries and supports us; It’s not intended to be the scapegoat for anxiety and hurting our body will not get rid of anxiety.
No matter the choice you make, eventually your body will give out, you’ll lose your mind, you’ll break your heart, and sadly, you’ll lose you.
When I changed how I treated my body, I no longer wanted to numb, consume, and purge anxiety out of it.
I started treating my body with compassion, kindness, and taking care of it with healthy practices.
When I changed my relationship with anxiety, I stopped reacting, resisting, and avoiding it.
I started treating anxiety with acceptance, curiosity, fascination, and responding to it with wellness practices.
Today, I live with my body and anxiety harmoniously and honestly, I feel a whole lot less anxious.
You Can Feel Less Anxious Too
Starting today, how might you begin changing your relationship with anxiety?
Beginning today, how might you start changing your relationship with your body, and with you?
Let me know in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!
Sending you inspiration,
P.S. If there’s one emotion I know a lot about, it’s anxiety. If you’re ready to change your relationship with anxiety, and maybe even your body, let’s hop on a call. You’re worth feeling better! You can access my calendar here.